Yesterday was Ben's memorial. It was in the sweltering Sacramento outdoor heat, though the fortunate set-uppers found a shady spot. I drank an entire gallon of water that I bought at a gas station on the way to the park. I got to hear stories from Ben's high school friends, from his family, and heartfelt speeches from my own close friends. I think everyone cried, but many of the stories were just funny, about the various forms of destruction carried out at Ben's old house (where he lived when I met him, and where apparently everyone spent time).
Afterward, I rode over to the hospital to visit with Sean, who's started talking again, although tentatively. The way that's phrased, I know it sounds like I'm talking about a child, but bone marrow transplants fuck your shit up in many areas, one of which is the throat/mouth. He hasn't spoken in days. We talked for a little while about the day, and about Ben. I was putting sheets on his hospital bed for him, and he was sitting on my cot, telling me (pretty nicely) how I was doing it wrong, when I realized how happy I was to hear his voice.
Then, I burst into tears, because my tear ducts are unstoppable these days.
There's some major work drama going on that no one is allowed to talk about, but that everyone is talking about anyway. I don't know what it is, and I'm going to make it a point never to find out.
19 July 2010
14 July 2010
13 July 2010
Dreamamine
I couldn't stop dreaming about Ben in the hospital last night, and eventually stopped trying to go back to sleep at around 6am. I kept waking up relieved, then drifting off with the vague hope for a new dream, and picking up right where I left off.
It hasn't made for a very comfortable day off. I've just been sitting on the computer all day, drinking coffee and staying sleepy.
It hasn't made for a very comfortable day off. I've just been sitting on the computer all day, drinking coffee and staying sleepy.
12 July 2010
More hospital talk
I found out the other day that a friend of mine and a better friend of Sean's is in the hospital, unconscious from a blood infection and subsequent liver and kidney malfunctions. Just talked to someone with info, who said he has a very small chance of survival.
I'm upset about it myself, of course -- Ben and I have known each other for five or six years, and used to hang out quite a lot. However, I feel much worse for Sean than for myself, because he has been especially close with Ben recently, and is completely helpless in the hospital himself. It's a very sad situation, caused by an infected wound on his arm. I'm still hoping he'll make it out of this okay, but that is unfortunately very unlikely.
I took a really good picture of him a few weeks ago, too. Is now a weird time to post it?
I'm upset about it myself, of course -- Ben and I have known each other for five or six years, and used to hang out quite a lot. However, I feel much worse for Sean than for myself, because he has been especially close with Ben recently, and is completely helpless in the hospital himself. It's a very sad situation, caused by an infected wound on his arm. I'm still hoping he'll make it out of this okay, but that is unfortunately very unlikely.
I took a really good picture of him a few weeks ago, too. Is now a weird time to post it?
10 July 2010
Chops!
I'm going to get my bangs trimmed. Word on the street (well, the Starbucks line) has it that my haircut is cute, so here are some shitty webcam pictures before I cut off the stylish part. Long bangs look good, but they're really impractical in a food service job, because you have to wash your hands after touching your hair.
Here I am looking reeeeally douchey. However, that thur is my absolute favorite shirt. It's falling apart pretty rapidly. Every time I wear it, I either create or discover a new hole.
Here I am looking reeeeally douchey. However, that thur is my absolute favorite shirt. It's falling apart pretty rapidly. Every time I wear it, I either create or discover a new hole.
09 July 2010
Suck it, B of A!
I just got Bank of America to refund seventy dollars in overdraft charges, after only three phone calls (though one of those was to PayPal. Every single customer service representative with whom I spoke was just fantastic; specifically a woman named Taylor, the PayPal worker. Not only did she explain exactly how account transfers between bank and PayPal accounts work, she also emailed me a letter to forward to my bank, requesting that the fees I was charged be waived. It was glorious.
Fortunately, it was much easier than that. I was refunded with barely any effort on my part, and judging by the speed of the transaction, barely any on the part(s?) of the workers in question. Now, however, I'm just angry at B of A's whole overdraft system. If they can refund me so easily, why even charge in the first place? It just seems like they're testing how much they can get away with, and if someone makes a phone call like I did, they're like a 4-year-old caught with a hand in the cookie jar.
I've been talking with people all day about Officer Mehserle's conviction for shooting and killing an unarmed man at a BART station in January 09. To make it clear, I am angry about how easily he got off, and think it's worth further investigation, but I just can't stand behind rioting. Since I don't feel like typing this all over again, I'm going to copy/paste some comments I made on Facebook:
"Well, now that conviction will never be reconsidered, because that would be giving in to rioters, which (in the brains of officials) validates rioting. They don't want to do that. I feel like protest/petition would be more effective, but now it's unlikely. Sad, sad, sad."
"By the way, the people who are going to suffer from those lootings aren't the higher-ups in the corporations. It's the workers being paid minimum wage who will have to clean up the messes, or worse, be without work during reconstruction. Businesses have money (or fake money like credit cards) to take care of destruction like this. It doesn't come out of the CEO's pocket."
I would also like to add that many of the businesses which were ransacked were franchises, which means they are privately owned. So the responsibility is really deferred from the wealth of these companies.
Blah blah blah. Anyway, some of the responses have made me really angry. It just seems like people who are saying things like "disband the BART police!" have the wrong idea about the whole thing. I don't see how that would be effective. I'm sure there are many events during which the BART police were effective, but no one would ever talk about them, because that's their job. This is a case of an individual man doing something that was not supported by the police force. His sentence was not severe enough, and I hope that it gets changed, but I wish folks wouldn't turn on a whole organization because of an individual. That is one manner in which a widespread prejudice sparks, and for some reason, when it concerns cops, prejudice has become acceptable.
That being said, fuck that Officer Mehserle jerk-off, and his ending of Oscar Grant's life.
Fortunately, it was much easier than that. I was refunded with barely any effort on my part, and judging by the speed of the transaction, barely any on the part(s?) of the workers in question. Now, however, I'm just angry at B of A's whole overdraft system. If they can refund me so easily, why even charge in the first place? It just seems like they're testing how much they can get away with, and if someone makes a phone call like I did, they're like a 4-year-old caught with a hand in the cookie jar.
I've been talking with people all day about Officer Mehserle's conviction for shooting and killing an unarmed man at a BART station in January 09. To make it clear, I am angry about how easily he got off, and think it's worth further investigation, but I just can't stand behind rioting. Since I don't feel like typing this all over again, I'm going to copy/paste some comments I made on Facebook:
"Well, now that conviction will never be reconsidered, because that would be giving in to rioters, which (in the brains of officials) validates rioting. They don't want to do that. I feel like protest/petition would be more effective, but now it's unlikely. Sad, sad, sad."
"By the way, the people who are going to suffer from those lootings aren't the higher-ups in the corporations. It's the workers being paid minimum wage who will have to clean up the messes, or worse, be without work during reconstruction. Businesses have money (or fake money like credit cards) to take care of destruction like this. It doesn't come out of the CEO's pocket."
I would also like to add that many of the businesses which were ransacked were franchises, which means they are privately owned. So the responsibility is really deferred from the wealth of these companies.
Blah blah blah. Anyway, some of the responses have made me really angry. It just seems like people who are saying things like "disband the BART police!" have the wrong idea about the whole thing. I don't see how that would be effective. I'm sure there are many events during which the BART police were effective, but no one would ever talk about them, because that's their job. This is a case of an individual man doing something that was not supported by the police force. His sentence was not severe enough, and I hope that it gets changed, but I wish folks wouldn't turn on a whole organization because of an individual. That is one manner in which a widespread prejudice sparks, and for some reason, when it concerns cops, prejudice has become acceptable.
That being said, fuck that Officer Mehserle jerk-off, and his ending of Oscar Grant's life.
08 July 2010
Brian Baumgartner
I was just half-watching an old episode of The Office, and in one of the moments I happened to glance at the screen, I saw that the character Kevin has the same sunglasses as me.
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